HERstory: Perfect, Hurting and Free

On this rainy afternoon, I am sharing the start of a series. The Type A perfectionist in me wants to tell you how many parts there will be and that I’ve finished it and everything has been edited. Part of this journey into telling my own story, though, is learning to let some of that go. I am not going back and re-editing these posts or asking someone to read them and give me “suggestions” or “permission”. On that note, feel free to send me emails when you find typos and grammar mistakes 🙂

Truth be told, I’m not even sure what to name this, but I am settling on “HERstory: Perfect, Hurting and Free”. It’s about how one girl lost herself to the narratives of HISstory and is beginning to find herself again. It’s about the pursuit of perfection and how that can kill a mind, body and spirit. It’s about the pain that often goes masked, either to make the one Hurting feel like she can be “perfect” or those who are uncomfortable with her hurting pretend that she is “perfect”. And it’s about the freedom she is finding as she abandons all of her false pretenses and reclaims her life. It’s about a woman who is scared to death, yet finally free.

I am looking forward to writing this story just as much as I am reading it. And I am grateful you have chosen to come alongside of me through various parts of the way.

Finally, a couple of requests. If you have an opinion or a feeling about something you read on here, please share it with love and grace. I know there will be many who not only disagree with my intentions, but also many of my “facts”. This is natural and I am completely okay with it. In fact, I fully expect it! I just ask that you either find a way to share your thoughts publicly with love and grace OR reach out directly to me. I’ve already received many direct messages from family and friends with suggestions of what I could have or should be doing differently. I appreciate everyone’s care and concern as well as being able to respond to those messages in a private forum!

With love & gratitude!

About Kristin Krause, MSW

daughter turned teacher turned social worker turned wife turned foster parent turned mom turned therapist. When people who don’t know our family story find out that we fostered and adopted the girls, we generally get one of two reactions…”I would have never known. They look just like you!” or “Oh, how beautiful.” Both of these things are 100% true – on the surface. The picture perfect, shiny, pretty surface. But, just below the surface is a whole lot of mess and brokenness. Our girls endured things that I never even read about in my textbooks. Our family endured things that go completely against the 3 philosophies of safety, permanency, and well-being that the child welfare system is in place to protect. When we have the chance to share a little bit more, the response always goes something like “but…how?!…and why?!” I believe in dreaming big. Part of my dream is a child welfare and healthcare system that would have prevented unnecessary trauma for my girls, my family, and our community. The other part is one of redemption and recovery for everyone involved in our story – which is everyone. I now believe part of why our family endured what we did is so that people would hear our story and ask the hard questions of how and why. With sexual abuse, trauma, foster care, and adoption, we never truly know until we find ourselves in a position of not knowing. Because of the nature of our case, I often found myself in a position of not being able to really answer the hows and whys. I reached a point where staying silent was the only option. Now that our adoptions are finalized, it is time for me to break the silence. This blog is me daring to run after my dreams – even when I find myself out of breath (which is mostly every. single. day.) It is stories of how the collective we have lived up to the Phoenix name and are rising from the ashes to burn bright! I also currently write and edit for Social Justice Solutions
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